Appointment’s Eve

August 31, 2011

That’s right, after all the hustle and bustle and missing appointments and rescheduling and waiting and waiting and waiting, the day has finally come.  Tomorrow is my first appointment at Carolina Endocrine (HOLY SHIT) and I have absolutely NO IDEA what to expect!  I’ve been trying to do some research via internet and I’ve asked a few people about their first appointments, but the experiences vary so much that I am still in the dark about mine.  For some people, the first time is just a consult with a blood test and basic physical, for others they got their first shot of T…ahhhhhh!  I even called the front office at Carolina Endocrine and the person I talked to said that sometimes you get on the first day and sometimes you dont…nobody knows!  It’ll be a surprise! I don’t want to get my hopes up about getting my first shot because, well, that would suck if I didn’t, but C’MON!  I could possibly be getting my first shot of testosterone tomorrow morning!  Should I dress up?  I mean, this is a big deal, potentially my new birthday, like the biggest of all deals and I want to make sure that I celebrate it to the fullest.  Should I bring a camera?  OBVIOUSLY. I want this shit on film to keep forever and ever. This will change my life forever…okay, not getting my hopes up.  But sorta getting my hopes up.

TESTOSTERONE, what’s the big deal?  What changes will it make?  How does it affect your body?  How long does it take to work?  Do you have to be on it forever?  What if you stop taking it, will things go back to the way they used to be? Are there health risks? Will it change your personality? Obviously, I can’t answer all of these questions with personal experience because I haven’t started taking it yet, but I can definitely answer some questions about what is to be expected. I will do a question and answer post by the end of the week because I’ve gotten a lot in the mail…so if you have specific questions then send them in and I’ll make sure I address them to my best ability.  For now, I’ll just skim the surface.

Let’s talk physical changes.  Testosterone has a lot of physical side effects (which is what makes it so appealing to transmen) and for the purpose of this blog I’m gonna separate them into two categories: reversible and irreversible changes.  YES, if you stop taking testosterone then some of the physical changes will revert back to how your body originally was (we call these reversible changes), BUT this isn’t always the case.  There are a lot of side effects that once your body makes the change then they will always stay with you regardless of whether or not you are still taking testosterone (we call these irreversible changes). Here are what I consider the main changes:

Acne-taking testosterone is like inducing and speeding up male puberty.  So, yes, I will get acne again for a while, and yes, I am dreading it.
Increased sweat- T makes you sweat.  A lot.
Change in body odor-I will smell different once I start T.  It makes your BO smell more musky.
No more periods-YES. Testosterone will stop my menstruation cycle for as long as I’m on it, but if I stop taking T then my periods will come back.
Redistribution of body fat-Basically, all of my fatty parts (the stomach pouch, love handles, boobs, ass, and even some of my thighs) will redistribute to mainly my upper body.
Muscle development-Yes, T will make me a little stronger, but more importantly it will give me the ability to develop muscles at a more rapid pace.
Increased libido-As I said before, a sped up male puberty, which means a higher sex drive.

Coarser hair (and possible balding)-It will make my hair more dense and since my mom’s dad was a baldy I will probably bald too. I’ve accepted it.  Small price to pay for happiness, I do say.
Growth of facial hair-Yes, I will eventually be able to grow facial hair, but it will take a while, not an overnight thing.
Increased body hair-Basically, T makes you really hairy.  Stomach hair, chest hair, back hair (god forbid), thicker leg hair, thicker arm hair, hair everywhere!
Deeper voice-This is probably the change that I am most excited about right now (because my high voice is the main reason why I don’t always pass as a guy)!  You can’t really predict how much lower your voice will drop, but it will definitely be noticeable.
Clit gets bigger-Its true. T makes your clit grow, mostly longer, but also wider.  It won’t get huge  (unless you get surgery or use a penis pump, but I don’t plan on doing either of those) but it will clearly be significantly bigger than what it used to be.

I feel like those are the main, physical, visible changes that will occur.  Of course there are many, many more.  Probably hundreds more that involve how your body reacts on the inside, I’m talking health risks for diseases and cancers and things and I’m also talking mentally and emotionally.  There is no amount of researching and reading other people’s stories and watching documentaries that can prepare me for the changes I’m about to make (maybe starting tomorrow).  I think that right now I’m as ready as I’ll ever be…